Small Doses

Sometimes, friends will say "We should get together more often".  Especially the newer friends will say this; the ones that don't know yet.  And I'll say, "We totally should!".  But what I'm thinking is, "No.  No we shouldn't.  Save yourself now." 

For those of you who don't know me... I mean KNOW me... I'm a strong personality.  I say what I want; I write what I think; and think as I write.  I don't 'dumb it down' or 'soften it up'.  This style of communication often results in disjointed thoughts, random f-bombs, and offended people.  After 38 years of pissing people off, you'd think I'd learn.  But alas... I have not.

This personality trait actually causes me a lot of anxiety.  I feel like Sybil, sometimes, as my brain duels itself.  "Don't say/write that!  That's too harsh!  You want people to like you, don't you???" 

"Screw them!  It needs to be said/written!  Why do I have to hold back so the weaker people don't get all offended??"

"OMG!  You are such a bitch!  Do you really think people like that about you???"

"Yes!  No.  Maybe?  Oh hell... I did it again, didn't I?"

"Yes.  Dumbass!"

And that's the general conversation in my head.  There are different variations, but they're all about the same thing.  Because of my tendency to realize I've been an ass after I've already been an ass, I try to limit my exposure to my friends (and even strangers).  I feel like if I limit my friends to small doses of me, they'll remain my friends.  If they experience Total Beth Saturation, they may go into renal shutdown and then cut me off.  I can't handle the rejection after their realization.  So I'm proactive.  I self-limit. 

The self-limiting can even be a little stressful.  When a friend wants to get together, I have to assess the situation:  When was the last time we hung out?  Did I say or do something stupid?  Probably.  Do I have some cleaning up or apologizing to do?  Most likely.  Are they ready for another dose?  Is this person starting to develop Beth Resistance?  Hopefully.

So I guess the dieting rule of thumb applies to me, as well.  Everything - in moderation - is okay. 

Does anyone else experience this?  Or do I need to see a specialist?

-B

I'm Back.... Again

Hi, honey. I'm home. Did you miss me? Whaddya mean, "No"??? Can you try to fake it? You know, I give... and I give...

Sorry for the pregnant pause (again). No... I was not pregnant. But I am back. And I hereby promise to post on a regular basis for my 3 loyal fans (me being one of the 3).

Last I wrote, I was heavily into spin (cycle) classes and general working out. I have since become an actual fitness instructor. I know. I can't believe it either. I teach spin and some body sculpting classes. I just know my class attendees are asking themselves, "Say.... shouldn't she be in better shape? She's leading this Guts & Butts class and yet her butt is sagging halfway down her legs?!?". Look, I can't explain it either. Gravity (and carbs) have not been good to me. And the holidays. The holidays have not been good to me. Cake, too. Cake has not been good to me.

I'm not sure how I managed it, but I have been fairly successful at gaining 20 pounds since I last posted on this here blog. And you don't need to be a smarty-pants and refer me back to the cake comment. I am aware. I am very, very aware. Just let me have this one, okay?

One of the common threads in this blog will be me chronicling (whining) about the weight loss effort (methods, successes, steps backwards, exercise, cake, peanut butter sabotages, and the like). Of course, I'll still write about the humorous atrocities I see in every day life. And motherhood. Basically, I'll write about anything that strikes me. Scared yet?

Let me begin by confessing my sins. I am having a secret love affair with peanut butter. I'm genetically lazy. Cake seductively calls out to me. A life without carbs is like a life without oxygen. This should be interesting.

So of course, I will start by seeking the easy way out (did I mention the laziness?). There is a product by Bliss called FatGirl Slim. It's like this magical cream was created for ME! It professes to firm ones legs, reduce the appearance of cellulite, blah blah blah. I'm gonna try it. I'm willing to sit in a vat of the stuff, if I must. I'm goin' in. I'll keep you posted...

-B (Sting)