Text It and End It!

I am a serial texter.  I do not like the telephone.  If I cannot communicate with you in person, then I will email or text.  Do not call me.  Do not expect a call from me.  And if, by the grace of God, you do get me on the phone; don't expect a warm body to be on the other end of the conversation.  For some reason, I go blank on the phone.  I become a cold, dead fish.  I have nothing to say.  It's just awkward and painful (for me and the other person).

Is it my turn to talk?  No?  It's your turn to talk?  No?  What did you say?  I was still talking.  Okay.  You go.  No.  Me?  So... how 'bout this weather?  Nothing new here.  You?  Okay.  Well, that's all I got.  Can I hang up the phone now?  (that was painful just to read, wasn't it?)

But text or email?  You can't get me to shut the hell up (see the irony here?).  It's sort of like the "No, you hang up first" syndrome.  If you respond, I will respond.  Every. Single. Time.  It's like I can't stop.  Someone will send me a text and I'll respond.  And then they'll respond.  And then I'll respond.  And then they'll respond.  And then I'll respond.  See?  I can't even stop explaining the responding!  I can't seem to find the natural stop point.  I can always think of something more to text.  Even if it's just an expression like, "HA!"  or "Nice!" or "D'oh!".  I'm just trying to tell you that I have not abruptly abandoned you.  I CAN'T STOP! 

I know I need to just text it and end it, but there's always something else I can write.  Maybe because I'm a writer?  Maybe because text and email allows for an acceptable (and non-awkward) pause that gives you time to think of something more to "say".  Sometimes, I'll see a good stop point and will try to not respond.  But then I worry.  I worry that the person with whom I'm texting will think I'm mad or didn't respond because of some sinister reason.  So I'll respond with something like, "Well, I better get back to work" or anything that basically says, "The End"... but in a nice, conversational way.

But wait!  There's more worry!  I worry that my lame 'The End' is too trite and empty.  Like the person KNOWS I don't really have to get back to work, I just want to end the 'convertextsation'  (I just made that word up.  Whaddya think?).  So then I'll text something MORE... something more believable and funny to fix the previously attempted and awkward closing.

Maybe going forward, we should all text "Done" which loosely translates to "I don't have anything more to say or I'm tired or I'm driving or I'm going to go do something else and don't take it personally but I'm done with this text or email string.  Talk to you later.  No I'm not mad or upset.  I'm just done, here.  But I still love/like you very, very much.  And see?  I'm even having a hard time wrapping up what "Done" means.  So.  Done."

Oh dear GOD!  Do you see what's happening here?  I can't even end this blog post with a clean break!  I don't want you to think I'm insensitive about your thoughts or commentary.  I don't want to leave you wondering what happened or if I ran out of things to.... Oh hell!  DONE.




-B(Sting)